June reflection

In June, we made some big decisions about our life in Berlin and then fled to Turkey to avoid thinking about it for a while.

I also reached the checkpoint I set out for myself when I stopped drinking.

The sobriety checkpoint

Back in December, I wrote an alcohol free plan and said I would review things around June time, and here we are.

June marked over 8 months without a drink, and the TLDR is: it’s been a net positive. Sleep is better, mornings are great, I spend less cash, and I certainly don’t miss hangovers or waking up at 4AM wondering where my keys, phone and wallet are.

That said, I don’t feel like a transformed new person - I’m arguably the same, just a bit more boring. My new way of socialising feels a bit awkward at times and will probably need work. I’m trying to do the things I used to do whilst drinking, without drinking.

Turkey was the toughest test so far. The alcohol free options were poor, the idea of a cold Efes sounded (and even looked) great, and for the first time in a while, I properly felt that old pull again. In the end, I didn’t drink, but it was a useful reminder that this still takes some thought, and that I’m not operating from some monk-like plane of existence.

Leaving Berlin and Billie

June also included two very difficult decisions: leaving Berlin, and leaving Billie.

I won’t try to squeeze all of that into this recap, because both deserve their own posts. There is a lot to unpack there: why now, why Scotland, why leave a job I still love, and what it feels like applying and interviewing for software jobs in 2026.

It’s been extremely hard, but the pull of home has never really gone away. Deciding to leave a place and a job that are both genuinely good is a very strange kind of stress.

Turkey

By the end of June, we were in Turkey for our annual trip.

This one arrived at the right time. The previous month or two had been mostly conversations about the future, job interviews, difficult decisions, second-guessing, and plenty of staring into the distance.

So Turkey became a proper switch-off. Eating, drinking, reading, lounging around, swimming, and trying very hard not to think about everything waiting for me when I get back to Berlin.

I will deal with all of that later - that’s future Darren’s problem. A classic and reliable strategy.

Reading

Holiday mode helped the reading numbers this month.

• Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin
• The Man Who Died Twice by Richard Osman
• No Escape by Lucy Clarke

The standout was The Man Who Died Twice. I read it in a day, which is ridiculous by my usual standards. I preferred it to the first book, although watching the Netflix adaptation helped cement the characters in my head. Reading it with their faces and voices already loaded made the whole thing even more enjoyable. Joyce is brilliant.

Wrap up

June was a crazy month - and I’m glad I’ll have these little reflections to look back on later. I hope I can look back at the decisions to leave Berlin and Billie, and think, “it was stressful but everything worked out.” As an overthinker, I’m in a constant internal dialogue and argument with myself, and leaving a situation where I am perfectly content, to start all over again, feels like a huge risk - BUT - we did it before when we moved here, and we will do it again.

The sobriety checkpoint deserves more space than a monthly recap can give it, but the short version is this: I’m glad I did it, I’m better for it, but it comes with challenges, and it’s not always as advertised.